Friday, October 28, 2016
Investigative Journalism
You know that you could see some disgusting things when you're at a place. For example, on October 23rd, 2016, around 3 p.m. There was a middle school teenager who vomited on a man at Six Flags Great America, Gurnee, IL. The teenager threw up because he ate a bunch of candy before he went on the ride Goliath, and after the ride he just threw up. The teen said “I’m sorry”. The kid felt mortified, and the guy was furious, but he took it like a man and said, “It’s ok”. The teenager helped the guy to get cleaned up. Now you know when you should eat and not eat candy not eat candy, or this might happen to you.
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You seem to know what happened and why which is a great detail. I would use a caption for your picture because its hard to know if that's the person involved in the incident. Also I believe you could expand your paragraph and then split it into multiple paragraphs. Your grammar seems to be a little off. When you say "look mexican" you should have said "looked Mexican". As well as the part when you say mortify. You say that in past tense but didn't change the word to mortified and for "clean" you should have said "cleaned". Again great detail and visual. If you could've gotten the name of the teen that would've helped bring more information on the topic. Also your vocabulary could be a little more advanced you could this by adding gace notes.
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